Morning Report: A near miss

So, America, an asteroid passed very close to Earth last night, but narrowly missed throwing us into a sixth extinction (if you don’t believe the Chicago Field Museum, of course, which notes that we are already in the Sixth Extinction because of global warming. Obviously). Fortunately for America, it exploded in the sky over Russia. Unfortunately for America, previous to its decision to explode in the sky over Russia, it was on a crash course for the District of Columbia.

Maybe next time.

1. Obama is in Chicago today to campaign for gun control. The only problem? Chicago has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation and also one of the highest murder rates in the country.

2. In case you’ve forgotten, the White House would like to remind you that this is the most transparent White House in probably ever.

3. The Obama kiss of death has claimed another victim, Ray’s Hell Burger.

4. The Canadian Parliament has taken up the issue of the zombie apocalypse. One can only hope our legislators also see the threat before it’s too late.

5. Of course, they might. Right after they get to this petition requesting that the White House stop using the words Mother, Wife and Daughter, because they are, and I quote, “offensive.”

I hope you survive the meteor strike, America. I know I will.

  1. Earthlings on Mars
  2. Bill

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