Morning Report: And the winner is…

You all know what happened last night. Let’s run down the news and get to that.

1. Louis Farrakhan, always a model for encouragement of democracy, is reportedly hiring Chicago street gang leaders in an effort to build an army for Nation of Islam. According to him, it’s a better use of their time than shooting each other. A number of people who like not living under oppressive male overlords will likely disagree.

2. Chris Christie will get the two seats next to Michelle Obama for the White House Governor’s Dinner. Both for himself, video to be used later to promote the First Lady’s “Lets Move” campaign.

3. Dustin Hoffman praised Piers Morgan on the red carpet over Morgan’s support of gun control. In other news, CNN put Piers Morgan on the red carpet, which means they understand the full value of his contribution to cable news.

4. Our new Secretary of State is doing a bang up job, especially in countries he makes up.

5. The Iranians are less than pleased with Best Picture winner, Argo, which they believe is clearly a secret Jewish plot to make the Iranians look bad, because the Iranians never make themselves look like religious zealot lunatics bent on world domination. They especially didn’t like the part where the First Lady of the United States presented Argo with it’s award. Thank heavens we’re represented by such diplomatic prowess as possessed by John Kerry. Otherwise this could be a real toughie.

It’s a new week, America. Embrace it.


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