Morning Report: Hold your horses.

If you don’t, they’ll put them in the meatballs they sell at Ikea. Which are really tasty. Possibly because they contain horses. I don’t want to think about this. But also, I sort of do.

1. Chicago Police Chief Gerry McCarthy thinks legal gun owners are giant jerkwads who make everyone less safe. Which is weird, since he’s never seen a legal gun owner commit a gun crime. According to him, it just doesn’t happen.

2. John Kerry would like you to know that he supports your right to be an idiot. Which, as bad as this defense of the First Amendment sounds coming out of his mouth, it’s still stronger than any one Hillary Clinton ever gave.

3. The Sequestration’s line-item budget deductions will likely reduce income across the board in many areas. Except for the President’s salary. That’s totally safe.

4. Michael Moore claimed to “save” the Palestinian director of the Oscar nominated film, Five Broken Cameras from the thugs at the TSA. For once, though, the TSA wasn’t doing anything wrong. But it’s not like Michael Moore has ever told the truth, even in film.

5. A paperwork error could cost you a boat.


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