America, why waste time on two parties when you can have one? It’s all the rage nowadays!
1. The Senate GOP is considering cancelling the Sequester and allowing the President to make $85
million BILLION in cuts unilaterally. Obviously, the hope is that blame will shift to the President for any cuts made. Except, as the Sequester has shown, he’ll probably just not make cuts and then blame everything on the Republicans when he shifts the burden back to them. But no one in this game has yet learned how Barack plays it after five years, sooooo.
2. In case you were wondering why your paycheck was so much less now than before, it turns out Obama has been continually, yet secretly, upping the burden on the middle class. Because you can only truly hurt what you love.
3. In a way, it’s actually really appropriate that the Obamas foisted themselves on the Oscar audience. Because when it comes down to it, they’re basically just entertainment, too.
4. Joe Biden tends to say what he means, and no one really likes that. Except for people who are probably actually racist or something.
5. We’re apparently just considering giving weapons to the Syrian rebels now. Because that’s definitely a good idea.
After much discussion yesterday, we determined that the CDC would be the most likely agency to respond to Sequestration cuts by unleashing a zombie apocalypse on the land. Fortunately, it just snowed six inches here, so any shuffling zombies would be sitting ducks. The rest of you? Good luck.