Political animals will do hella stupid sh*t to get money. After all, it’s absolutely impossible to run for office when you’re broke (especially if you’re the kind of knucklehead who won the primary thinking that was an automatic invitation to write you a check from the party’s coffers, even though you’re a lunatic), and the main job of anyone who actually earns a spot in the nation’s governmental hierarchy is to continue to get elected, with involves a pile of cash no mere human can accumulate without routinely embarrassing themselves.
The good news is, if you have absolutely no shame and completely lack a moral code, the “raising money” part should be easy. After all, what does it bother an alleged sociopath to miss family dinners to kiss rich, white, corporate ass, or to gloss over the individual needs of say, the children you conceived, in order to humiliate yourself publicly for money?
Just ask Terry McAuliffe, Bill Clinton’s close personal friend and current candidate for Virginia Governor.
In his 2007 memoir, “What a Party!: My Life Among Democrats, Presidents, Candidates, Donors, Activists, Alligators, And Other Wild Animals,” the legendary Democratic moneyman writes of doing everything from wrestling an alligator to ambushing an unsuspecting donor to collect checks for the party.
The book is the focus of renewed attention now that McAuliffe is running for office again, particularly the his stories about leaving wife’s side to attend parties immediately before and after she gave birth to their daughter Sarah. In the memoir, McAuliffe admits he once left his wife Dorothy in the delivery room to attend a Washington Post party. He also tells a story about leaving his wife in the car on the way home from the hospital to attend a fundraiser.
According to McAuliffe, he felt bad for his wife, who was trapped in a vehicle with a screaming newborn, but it was millions for the Democratic party, and while his son would still be there tomorrow, and, likely, in an hour if the car didn’t get too hot or stuffy, the overgrown children who make up the Democratic Party’s donor base were about to throw a tantrum if they weren’t preciously cuddled by the head of the organization.
But he ditched his wife for more than just the birth of his daughter. According to the manuscript, McAuliffe bombed out on a romantic Cape Cod getaway to golf with Tip O’Neill, got thrown out of the delivery room during the birth of his son because he tried to shout down the anesthesiologist over health care policy, trapped his wife at a spa while he was “doing business” in Puerto Rico, loaned the Clintons around $1 million for their New York residence without telling anyone in his family, and admits that he spent more time with Al Gore in 1993 than he did with his own wife, which, in his defense, was probably punishment for all of the previous transgressions.
The good news for Virginia voters is that they know at least one of their candidates is dedicated. But he’s basically a dedicated jerk, so there’s that.