OFA thinks weird skinny guy in pajamas will sell you health care.

Let me put it this way. The chances of this weirdly dressed kid getting me to buy health care would rise above zero only if he were cornering me in a subway car and forcing me to choose between watching him perform an interpretive dance in his footie pajamas to Lorde’s “Royals,” or give him my social security number so that he can sign me up for the Platinum HMO plan.

But you can’t blame them for continuing down this unintentionally hilarious path. They’ve committed to the idea that everyone will go home for the holidays and be pestered into spending twice their annual budget on sup-bar health coverage, and they’re going to follow this one through to the bitter end, come hell or high water pajama bottoms.

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I’m not sure if this is the same guy who hacked up his hand carving a dollhouse chicken at Thanksgiving, but the series of poor decisions is consistent. Some people are calling him a “hipster,” but the one-piece pajamas (they have to be one-piece, based on the way the pattern flows seamlessly from his chest to his crotch) are too mainstream for him to be a hipster. They were popular with the Urban Outfitters set back in 2009 when Where the Wild Things Are came out and there was a “three wolves howling at the moon” option next to the portable record player on everyone’s Christmas list.

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This kid is probably just a douchebag who went to a liberal arts college, got a graduate degree in a useless field, put in some time teach poetry to underprivileged urban youth in a third world country and now dreams of the day when he’ll be asked to host a breakout session at Aspen Ideas. Plus no hipster would have a leather couch. Though it is possible he lives with his parents.

In other words, he’s probably just OFA’s employee of the month, the lucky bastard who gets to don some flannel jammies and sip Rumchata-laced fair-trade organic cocoa while the rest of the team strategizes on how to make their own effervescent appreciation and bottomless regard for Healthcare.gov’s immaculate mission into a marketable metric.

Of course, if you do plan to annoy the sh*t out of your  family members as you gather around the Christmas tree to exchange presents and looks of unbridled contempt, OFA has updated their “Healthcare for the Holidays” page with a brand new set of talking points for a brand new holiday.

Comments
  1. john miller (@jmoi002)
  2. Katie Scott
  3. Anthony Bialy
  4. The other guy
  5. Larry E

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